justice

Page Twelve, website outline

The problem with justice in my existence, is that I can rarely ever have any, either legal or moral. I can never have justice against the mentally disturbed landlady who illegally evicted me, or against the Department of Mental Health that sat back and let my life be destroyed (thereby taking very good care of my mental health), or against the underhanded, undercover, illegal protection that Matthew Lacoy told me I was in. Many people have told me I can’t sue the feds, and I believe them. I could sue the DMH, if I had the money. I don’t. And they knew that when they sat back and let my life be obliterated.

                                                                        

When everything you define as your life is illegally and immorally destroyed by other people, you want some justice. You want some of these people to be held accountable for their reprehensible conduct. At least I do. Maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you’d just walk away and say that’s the way it is. There certainly are many people who would react that way, who seem to possess no sense of outrage at being illegally and immorally bulldozed by others. Who seem to have no fire in them in any realm of life. But I’m not a fireless person. I had fires for my interests while I still had my life, and fires inside for my deeply loved animals, and fires for horrible things happening all over the world: love fires and activist fires. If I’d been physically healthy, and if I’d met similar people, I might well have become an out-front, practicing activist for some issue or other. So I’m not at all the sort of person to have vicious things done to me by other people and by huge agencies, and not want some justice. But in the true world of living below the poverty line, you don’t get justice. People will perhaps shout: legal aid! Not here, not in Massachusetts. Legal aid will only represent low-income people for certain issues and in certain circumstances. Anything that doesn’t fit into their narrow scope will not be touched by them with a ten-foot pole, because they would not be paid for the work.

Before 2007, there were other issues. To name just two: No justice against the mother who took a house away from me; no justice against a woman who had two of my birds in foster care and refused to give them back, even when her boss and a lawyer told her she must. And on and on it goes.

What kinds of thoughts would a lifetime of people getting away with illegal and immoral actions against you engender in you? In me this repeated and repeated lousy treatment has left me with convictions that I’m worthless in the eyes of other people: they can do any damned thing they please to me, without ever having to be held accountable or make amends. And the certain knowledge that because I’m poor, I’m powerless. I have hired lawyers from time to time, for a few hundred dollars, to do very short-term letter-writing and phone-calling. But to launch a suit against someone is beyond my means. Poor equals powerless to get justice, to defend oneself against vicious crap. Worthless, powerless, disposable.

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read…    Braon…   Spite and malice

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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2010-2012 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.

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9 Comments

  1. contoveros said,

    September 13, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Where is Walden’s Pond?s that anywhere near Massachusetts?

    It should be. At least I always thought it was up in that neck of the woods.

    It’s the type of place I’d like to go and live a quiet, contemp[lative life, without the contact of the mass of men who lead their lives of quiet desperation.

    Wouldn’t own much. I’d meditate a lot on my breathing and try to perform what Tibetan Buddhist monks called “analytic” meditation. You mediate regularly, but be aware of all possible aspects of a given thought. When you feel the different “ideas,” you let them go, and return to the peace of your breath, releasing all animosity and attachment, but a with a better understanding than you had before.

    michael j

  2. braonthree said,

    September 14, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Well, if I’ve got my geography even minimally correct, Walden is west of the ocean, and east of where I sit (which is western mass.) Anne

  3. Babs said,

    September 16, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    michael j,
    I’m not as gloriously enlightened as you are, but could you please let me know what the hell Henry David Thoreau has to do with this post’s topic which is “Justice”? The riff on meditation seems out of place as well. Are you advising Anne to just take a deep breath and simply release her animosity? Because that seems like a really banal response to the deep sorrow and anger that she describes.

  4. braonthree said,

    September 16, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    Babs: has hubby ever told you that you’re beautiful when you’re angry?

  5. contoveros said,

    September 18, 2010 at 12:35 am

    I’m far from enlightened, but I know that most of my anger comes from inside of me. So does my rage and the PTSD that makes me want to take up arms and retaliate against someone, usually for the least provocation.

    I want to blame everyone but myself for respond the way I do. It alls originates with me.

    Key words: “my anger comes from inside of me.” I can deal with it from within. Through a change in perception. And choose not to give outside influences the power over me they once held me as if I was their hostage.

    Hey, I’m from Philly. Never been to New England, but I’d like to visit if I could be sure I would not face a hostile welcoming party.

    michael j

  6. braonthree said,

    September 18, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    Hello again, Michael. From what you write here, I see that you feel making a change in perception helps you deal with anger. I think that’s a fine strategy if it works for YOU. But I’m sure you know that individuals are different inside, and that what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. And the “provocations” I discuss throughout my website I don’t consider to be “least.” I consider them to be quite profound.

    Visiting New England is a great idea. But feeling the way I do about Turners Falls, I wouldn’t ever advocate that you should come HERE.

  7. Babs said,

    September 19, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    Michael J,

    Once again, your smug self-satisfaction seems to have blinded you to the point of this post. Anne is asking us as fellow human beings to bear witness to what she has endured. She is not asking for instructions on how to repress it. Your analytical tone bespeaks a heartlessness that is very ugly.

  8. anne nakis said,

    September 20, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    Well, on it goes. The attempt at communication between two people (in this case, Babs and Michael). I’ve tried to remain as objective as I can about Michael’s comments, and about his responses to Babs. Nonetheless, I’m left with the distinct impression that he doesn’t take seriously any of the things I’m discussing on my website, nor Babs’ attempts to see if he will do so.


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