freedom

Page Eighteen, website outline

Living in a country that touts and flouts how free we are. But there are all kinds of freedoms, and there’s one extremely important one I have never, in fifty-seven years, been granted by my fellow humans: the freedom to be myself without constant punishment for being that self. Punishment takes many forms, from verbal insult all the way up to various forms of attack. Just for being me I’ve had an on-going stream of this stuff. Others have too. Especially others with Asperger’s.

Harping, like the chanting of Shakespeare’s three witches, all my life, on many themes that are apparently unbearable aspects of Anne Nakis’ selfhood:  too many animals  —  you don’t smile enough — you’re too negative — you’re not really an  atheist; everyone believes in god — you’re antisocial (by this they mean withdrawn, not sociopathic) — you don’t try to fit in…  and more. Almost everything about me, about who I am, is apparently either so annoying or so repugnant or so aberrant that anyone who wishes to throws in their two cents’ worth, and believes they have the right to do so. They have the right to mock, nag, criticize, punish. But I don’t have the freedom to be myself and be left alone about it. If you don’t like me, if I’m not your cup of tea, then just leave me the hell alone. Why do you have to hurt in some way?

All of this has taught me that it’s money in this country that buys you freedom to be yourself. I hate for that to be true, because I hate people making a god out of money. But the fact remains that if I’d been able to earn the money to buy my own home, no landlord and no other tenant could have bullied me the way they have repeatedly done for being myself, for being the oddball, weird, idiosynratic, creature that I am. No relatives and friends could have had much chance to do so, because I wouldn’t have needed them for any kind of practical help. I could have hung up the phone or slammed the door.                                    

To my mind, it is an ugly commentary on human nature to have to say in all truth that I have been alive for more than five decades, and have been allowed by only one person in one relationship, the freedom to be myself — without punishment or criticism. Everyone has nagged, or criticized, or insulted, or tried to remake me. And there have been many who have actively and viciously attacked me when I failed to allow myself to be remade in their image. I honestly don’t grasp, in light of all this, why there are so many people who do not understand why I don’t like human beings. Why do they think I would like humans, in light of this shabby (at best) treatment I’ve received from them? What grounds do you think I would have to be enamored of humankind?

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read…      Neverending solitaire  (asperger’s)…   Lifelines

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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2010-2012 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.


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11 Comments

  1. oddamsel said,

    February 9, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    yea, true freedom’s indeed the ability/power to be oneself to the maximus. 🙂 nice post!

  2. braonthree said,

    February 11, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    oddamsel: and I myself have never been granted that ability. how about you?

  3. braonthree said,

    February 12, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    oddamsel: I just did a search for your blog and nothing came up.

  4. Astrid Desmonda said,

    February 13, 2010 at 9:23 am

    for me, true freedom comes from the understanding of the real truth. when you know 100% sure that it is the REAL you having or being all that you want to have or be, you shall have the comfort of enjoying your life no matter what people say, right? 🙂 thus, it’s not a ability that one’s born with. it’s simply the result of truly understanding who you really are. well, that’s my opinion. what do you think?

    • braonthree said,

      February 19, 2010 at 4:34 pm

      Astrid,

      I agree with you. You have to know the truth of who you are and what is the way of life that best suits you, whether others like it or not. As long as it’s not illegal, people should be able to live in the way that’s best for them: without harassment, punishment, psychological bullying, and all the rest. But the fact is that that right not to be psychologically punished and damaged for who you are is enforced by no one.

      • Astrid Desmonda said,

        February 20, 2010 at 10:07 am

        Well, other people have their right to do anything to us. That’s the fact, indeed. Throughout my life, there are times when people around me seem to be some kind of gravitational force that pulls me down all the time from reaching my dreams or even in simply doing what I want. But, hey, we have the right to be even stronger than those external gravitational power that keeps pulling us down. If we’re strong enough, people could punish us and damage us, but we would still have the strength to move on and keep doing what we want to do.

        As I train and discipline myself to be stronger, in fact, it seems the power that tries to pull me down is, also, progressively getting stronger, as well. But life is like climbing mountains. The more we climb, the greater the gravitational force that pulls us down. If we choose to keep climbing anyway, one day we could step on the peak of it. Ah, wish you all the best, the courage, and the strength! It’s never been guaranteed in one’s birth certificate that life’d be easy. 🙂

  5. David Fisher said,

    May 13, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    The most basic, fundamental, and important freedom of all is the right to be different. Absent that, there is no freedom.

    • braonthree said,

      May 14, 2010 at 1:59 pm

      Well, that’s the way I feel too, David. If you’re not free to be different from the so-called “norm,” then how much personal freedom do you actually have?

  6. cestmarrant said,

    January 26, 2013 at 3:23 am

    “…too many animals – you don’t smile enough — you’re too negative — you’re not really an atheist; everyone believes in god — you’re antisocial (by this they mean withdrawn, not sociopathic) — you don’t try to fit in… and more. Almost everything about me, about who I am, is apparently either so annoying or so repugnant or so aberrant that anyone who wishes to throws in their two cents’ worth, and believes they have the right to do so. They have the right to mock, nag, criticize, punish.”
    I can really relate to what you wrote here. I’m so sorry you had to go through this too. It’s really soul destroying. I can feel the pain just reading it.

  7. mishibone said,

    January 31, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    matthew, krepiere


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