the future

Page Twenty-two, the website outline

My immediate future was shown to me yesterday afternoon (3/22/10), and I’ve been crying almost constantly ever since. What I was told would be an efficiency apartment turned out to be much worse than that — I’m claustrophobic, and a real efficiency would have been hard enough to be in for more than a year. But this thing the social service/housing system has for me doesn’t even rise to the level of an efficiency. I took my friend in to see it and she said, loudly and with real shock in her voice, This is it? This is like being in jail.

And a couple of hours after I saw this little box that I’m supposed to try to exist like a human being in, I had a full-blown panic about moving back to Turners Falls for the fourth time. This panic has been building for a couple of weeks, and yesterday it burst into full strength: I’ve lived among these despised people three times now, can I really do this again? My heart yearns all the time to the nature in this town that I shared with my animals, to the memories of me with them, and them with me. But can I withstand living among these ignorant, tight-fisted, inbred, phony-christian, anti-intellectual, anti-anne nakis individuals again? And the answer is that I don’t know. I don’t know what will happen.

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So now I am moved back to the toxic little burg on the river. Today, the 31st of March 2010. Two years and three weeks after the eviction. Thanks to the indifference (and underhandedness) of the Department of Mental Health, and the indifference of Matthew and all he represents, I was two years and three weeks without a rental unit.

Future Past                                                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Future Present  

read…   Being toward death…   Braonwandering

 

 

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6 Comments

  1. Ariane5 said,

    January 27, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    Anne – are you still homeless? I was homeless myself for 13 months….and without my baby, my little furry soulmate…..

  2. braonthree said,

    January 27, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    No, not homeless now for 9 months. Was that way for two years, but the living outdoors part was two months. I’m so blind I can’t see what’s in your photo… is that your animal soulmate?

  3. Ariane said,

    January 28, 2011 at 9:10 am

    It’s a young girl cuddling a sleeping cow. I got here from Twitter. 🙂 If you click on the pic, it should show you a bigger version. I love all animals but have a special place in my heart for cats and cows. Glad you aren’t homeless anymore.

  4. braonthree said,

    January 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Ariane… I’m just as glad that YOU’RE no longer homeless. Don’t know about you, but I found the daily shame and humiliation giving both suicide and homicide plans nearly all the time…. For years I’ve wished to have a cow.

  5. Ariane5 said,

    January 29, 2011 at 9:31 am

    I became homeless to escape a lifetime of abuse so, for me, it was a wonderful, freeing experience. My suicidal plans came before I freed myself…I was seriously suicidal for 20 years. Homicidal, I’ve always been…and always will be, as long as humans inhabit this planet.

    Cows are so badly underrated…..I watched a TV programme called The Private Life Of Cows and it really shows what amazing beasts they are. lol

    Do you have a favourite animal, Anne?

  6. braonthree said,

    January 29, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Ariane… for many years I probably had cats as a favorite. But in my thirties I began to be more and more captivated by ALL animals, and really can’t pick a favorite…. I agree: as long as humans persist as a pest on this rock, I will feel like shooting them.


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